Perhaps others have learned the love/hate relationship one can have with crutches.
Susan Bruso, 2000
Firm calluses on the palms of both hands
Colorful rashes in the pits of both arms
Amazing development of your biceps and pecs
And finally alignment of those thoracic discs
Carrying newspaper and mail upstairs to the kitchen
Dropping both while clinging to railing and crutches
Bathrobe with thermos-sized pockets for coffee
Basket sledding down stairs full of family laundry
A spiral staircase leads to your doctor appointment
And a handicap bathroom with a door you can't open
Slippery soda is splashed on the floor in the mall
And escalators beg for a "911" call
Frustrated at your present condition?
Depressed by the nasty affliction?
Break or sprain, stitch or strain,
Try crutch therapy to ease the pain
"Short Toss" or "Slam Down" depending on muscle
As the crutch hits the ground so will the hassle
"Car Scratch and Dent" is especially soothing
(If it's someone else's car you are using)
The "Long Hurl" takes courage and pride
It's always best done alone and outside
Remember when using this mode of relief
You have to crawl over to pick up the bleep.